Mean What You Say

Accountability: anything or anyone that helps us gain mental leverage to achieve the results we desire. —The Accountability Stop

Some friends wanted to get together this weekend. One friend, Ann, was particularly pushing for it. I was the most logical host for this get together. When the day itself arrived, Ann texted and said she couldn’t make it. Something important for her work had come up.

I’m not upset about Ann’s decision. Her priorities shifted and that’s understandable. Nonetheless, the situation made me think about accountability. In particular, it reminded me of a quote from George S. Patton that my high school English Teacher, Mr. Matheny, applied to writing:

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

—George S. Patton

We might consider the first half easy. “Say what you mean.” Speak clearly. Don’t muddy the point you want to make. 

“That’s Not What I Meant”

The second part, “mean what you say,” can be tougher. We say a lot of things. We habitually spout whatever is in our head. But do we always mean the things we say? How often do we, or someone else, say, “I know that’s what I said. That’s not what I meant.” 

“Mean what you say” requires us to have integrity of character. When we mean what we say, others in our lives consider our word as our bond. We choose our words with care so we can stand by what we’ve stated. We don’t speak carelessly and find ourselves having to backtrack. 

Does this relate back to the accountability definition I’ve been promoting as “mental leverage?” If we take our words and commitments seriously, it does. Whether we’re meeting a deadline, or keeping an appointment, or preparing for a meeting, we give weight to our words and create mental leverage to do what we said. This is especially important when our project is personal. We will disappoint no one but ourselves if we fail to complete it. We must “mean what we say” if we will ever push past our internal resistance to complete our project as we intend.

Character Development

Can we “mean what we say” more often? How do we develop integrity of character? Here are some ideas:

• Say less. That’s easier said than done for some people. I’m a shy introvert and don’t say very much in the first place. However, just by simple statistics, the fewer things we say, the less opportunity exists to say something we don’t mean.
• Commit to less. If we find that we’re always double-booked and often have conflicting priorities, we may be pleasing too many people with our words. Later we fail them with our actions. We’re saying “yes” too much. We need to understand our priorities and say “no” to the things that don’t align with them.
• Make true statements. It’s a useful check to ask ourselves if we know the statement we’re making is true. Beware of “a thousand percent” truth, to use my boss’s term. The thousand percent true answer to “does this tattoo look stupid?” does not necessarily help your friend who’s asking—or your friendship.
• Mentally initial statements. Consider if someone recorded everything we say every day. At the end of each day we’re presented with a transcript of all our statements and asked to initial them as true. Could we do that?

So what about Ann? Do I find it a stain on her character that she didn’t show up this weekend? No, I don’t have a problem with it. We’re all going to have failures of accountability at times. I’m not in a position to make judgments like that. I’m a day late with this post myself, failing to meet my commitment! (If Ann ditched us for another social outing, that would have been different.) But it serves as a reminder to me that I should be careful about the commitments I make. Commitments to others, of course, but especially commitments of accountability to myself.

What’s Your Account?

Do you “say what you mean and mean what you say?” Do you have examples of integrity of character that have shaped who you are?